Minnesota Football: Nowhere To Go But Up!

Tim Brewster can sell a ketchup popsicle to a lady in white gloves. That's the only way I can rationalize the recruiting classes he has pulled in the last two years. Seemingly out of nowhere, the Gophers have hauled quite their share of 4 star recruits, largely due to Brewster and his relentless optimism.
"Coach, how many games did you lose last year?"
"Doesn't matter, we don't live in the past. But did you know that Minnesota football has won 18 Big Ten Championships, had um-teen All-Americans, and won 6 National Championships?"

For a coach that doesn't live in the past, Timmay! Brewster is quick to pull out the glory statistics from prior to the 1950's. Whatever he's selling up there, it's working...kind of. His class last year ranked in the Top 20 in the country. But this week, reports came out this week that Minnesota's freshman football players had the lowest ACT average of all the Big Ten teams with a 17.2 average. 17.2! That is patently absurd, and will be covered in a later post. Also, some of the highly ranked recruits have had trouble staying on campus thus far. Arguably the star of this year's class, QB MarQueis Gray has yet to pass the NCAA Clearinghouse. Three others from this year's class are not with the team either, two of which did not gain admission to the University. Five out of the 8 recruits Brewster added to last year's class are no longer with the team either. And for icing on the cake, Brewster brought in 8 JUCO players who are traditionally academic risks (thus why they went to JUCO in the first place).

Why take such risks on players with great football talent but probably will struggle academically? Because Minnesota football was absolutely terrible last year. T-E-R-R-IBLE. While 2008 looks better, it's only because it can't possibly be worse. The Golden Gophers return a legit quarterback in Adam Weber, and a rising star in wide receiver Eric Decker. The duo will be the pulse of the offense for the gophers, and where they go, the gophers go. Complementing Weber and Decker, Jack Simmons returns for a 5th year at tight end. (True Story: he played on my little bro's bball team as a youth. One day I scrimmaged with them, and when guarding Simmons he dribbled through my legs before scoring. Slightly embarrasing...and I was older than him)

On the defensive side of the ball, welcome to Junior College. Former Duke coach Ted Roof will look to improve the nation's worst defense from last year with the help of numerous JUCO players. DT Tim McGee, DE Cedric McKinley, LB Simoni Lawrence, CB Tremaine Brock, and S Trae Simmmons will all be counted to play extensive minutes, if not start. They may not be worst in the nation this year, but they certainly won't be the best. Expect another long season if the defense can't find ways to get off the field on 3rd down.

And to be honest, this defense will have trouble getting off the field on 3rd down. This defense will have trouble getting off the field on any down. So much so that when I play against them in NCAA 2009, I don't think I have ever punted. Not once. And that's how I think the season will go for the Gophers this year. Weber and Decker will put up some points, Brewster will provide insane amounts of hilarious quotes, and the defense will give up points. On the bright side, they have the potential to increase their win total by 400%. That's not a typo, it's just a matter of them only winning one game last year. Look for the Gophers to sweep their non-conference games...and get swept in their conference ones. Better luck next year Timmay!

Not So Happey Valley: Penn State Football Preview

It's true. This offseason, you were likely to find as many stories about Penn State football players in the blotter as in the sports section. Thankfully for Nittany Lion fans, football season is here and players once again have an outlet for all their rage (hitting each other with pads on, rather than pulling knives and making terrorist threats at each other). The product that the fighting JoePa's put on the field this year will surely get Penn State some good press too.

Led by possibly the most dynamic receiving core in the Big Ten and a group of electrifying running backs, Penn State is rolling out their offense with their self-titled "Spread HD" in 2008. RS Junior Daryll Clark's long wait is finally over as he is the annointed starting Quarterback. Considered a throwback to the Michael Robinson days of three years ago, Clark carries the burden of trying to live up to the massive expectations of Lion faithful. Don't be disappointed when he doesn't folks. Anthony Morelli didn't exactly light up the scoreboard the past two years, and Clark couldn't beat him out. Also, Robinson didn't exactly excel his first year on the job. It was his second year as a starter when he led PSU to the Orange Bowl.

Clark will have an arsenal of weapons at his disposal though. Evan Royster and Stephon Green, 4.2 speed and all, will provide a fierce 1-2 punch out of the backfield. And as I said before, the receivers may be the best group in all of the Big Ten. Derrick Williams, Deon Butler, and Jordan Norwood combine the speed and big play ability that will ignite the famously rowdy student section in Happy Valley.

However, the fans won't have nearly as much to cheer for on the defensive side of the football this year. With the loss of Sean Lee to a season ending ACL injury, the string of dominant linebackers at "Linebacker U" could be in trouble. The D-line will be thin after Paterno kicked two linemen off the team this summer due to the aforementioned legal troubles, but DE Maurice Evans is a certifiable beast. Expect him to throw around O-lineman like rag dolls and draw double-teams all year. The secondary is experienced and will be the strength of the defense. Lead by Anthony "Did you say something to my woman? Get 'em boys!" Scirrotto, the Nittany Lion secondary should feature two senior safeties and three potential corners with at least 3 years in the program.

So where do the fighting (literally) Nittany Lions figure into the Big Ten race? Well, while I think the Nittany Lions may be good, when you actually name your own offense, as Jay Paterno did with the "Spread HD", you're asking for trouble. Several things come to mind when I hear about the "Spread HD"...
(Receivers)"Hung (out to) Dry"
"Huge Dud"
"Horribly Deficient"
"(I was) High...Definitely (when thinking of this)"

Yep, Jay Paterno just jinxed the shit out of his offense. Look for Clark to struggle, the defense to take a step back from 2007, and Joe Paterno to make approximately 6,427 sarcastic responses to questions about his retirement. He didn't become the best quote in the Big Ten without practice folks. Penn State will lose 2 games they aren't supposed to, win 1 that they shouldn't, and finish 4th in the Big Ten. Joe Pa will not retire, and Happy Valley won't be so happy during another loooong, long off-season.

Who are the Iowa Hawkeyes?

[Full Disclosure: I graduated from Iowa]

If I were to personify the Iowa Hawkeyes, I'd see the team as either The Riddler from Batman or Matthew Lesko, the "get free money from the government" guy because this team is literally covered in question marks. Can Jake Christensen live up to his recruiting hype? Does the offensive line actually exist? Who, if anyone, will emerge at running back? Can any of the receivers stay healthy (or on the team)? Is the defense good enough to carry the offense? Over/Under .500 in field goal percentage?

I remember the high point of New Year's Day 2005. The Hawkeyes had just beaten an LSU team with the likes of JaMarcus Russell, Joseph Addai, Early Doucet, and Dwayne Bowe on a hail mary to win the Capital One Bowl. And, only a month later, the Hawks would sign one of the best recruiting classes in the nation (and certainly in school history). Iowa fans were on cloud 9 and believed it was time for Iowa to go from a respected member of the BigTen, competing for a conference title every now-and-then, to a powerhouse, joining Michigan and Ohio State in the conference's upper echelon.

Oh how things have changed. The Hawkeyes are 19-17 since then. And that illustrious 2005 recruiting class...a total bust. The majority of the class doesn't even play football for Iowa due to academic problems, transfers, and career-ending injuries. From there, the problems only get worse. You name it, it's gone wrong in Iowa City:

Sex Scandal? Check.

Theft/Credit Card Fraud? Check.

Numerous Underage Drinking Violations? Check.

Natural Disasters? Check.

To be honest, if not for some real cupcake opponents since 2004-2005, the Hawks wouldn't be anywhere near .500. So where do they go from here? Kirk Ferentz insists the off-the-field issues are being dealt with, and so far, there haven't been many new problems (having said that, the old ones are still pending).

So what's in store this year for Iowa? I have no idea...no one does. Sadly, they really remind me of the Chicago Bears. Despite my hopes and dreams, I have a sick feeling that Jake Christensen just is not a BigTen quarterback. He gets happy feet in the pocket, is too short to see over his o-line, has limited mobility, is inaccurate, and generally showed NO signs of improvement last year. I know he had a bad line and receivers with no experience, but even when the blocking was okay and someone was open, I felt like Jake missed more than anyone in the conference. Hell, some of his throws were so bad, even the defense couldn't get them. [Also, I know this might be total crap, but don't trust left-handed, white QBs. Besides Steve Young and Mark Brunnell, none that I can remember have been much better than average]. Just about everyone on the offensive line returns, but after last year, I'm not convinced that's a good thing. LT Bryan Bulaga could be the next Hawkeye great on the line, but after a freshman year with injuries, who knows? As for three 5-stars from the '05 class, OT Dace Richardson's career is over, OG Dan Doering cannot live up to his hype, and OG/C Rafael Eubanks was moved to guard because he isn't even the best center on the team now. Center Rob Bruggeman could be a bright spot, but OG Seth Olsen is overrated and OT Kyle Calloway basically sucks (he got consistently beat like a ginger step-child last year). Also, like my Bears from the NFL, the Hawkeyes have no proven running back (sure Shonn Greene looked like a stud in '06, but can he survive a full year and avoid fumbleitis?). The receivers are average, don't let Hawk fans tell you otherwise. Andy Brodell is finally healthy, but who can forget all of his game-changing (and game-blowing) drops from years' past. If people want to polish his knob because he had one good game against Texas in the Alamo Bowl that's fine with me, just don't act surprised when he gets cement hands. Derrell Johnson-Koulianos has the athleticism to be a star, but can he get open and hang on? Trey Stross is insignificant because he's always hurt. Lastly, Paul Cheney and Colin Sandeman have shown flashes, but the jury's still out. I can only hope the addition of WR coach Erik Campbell (from Michigan, where he coached David Terrell, Braylon Edwards, Mario Manningham, etc.) will help, but until a game is played, I'm not going to assume that's the case.

Sadly, for how bad the offense sounds, the defense could be really good. DTs Mitch King and Matt Kroul are proven and highly regarded. Plus, much like my gut feeling that Jake isn't a D1 QB, I think DEs Adrian Clayborn and either Christian Ballard are the real deal and will be playing on Sundays. LB A.J. Edds might be as good as Chad Greenway when his career is over, but for now he remains vastly underrated. Whoever claims the other linebacker spots will be a little green but incredibly athletic. As for the secondary, I hope CB Amari Spievey will surprise. He worked his ass off to get back to Iowa City (grades), and was a JUCO All-American in his year away. CB Bradley Fletcher is experienced but beatable, and CB Jordan Bernstine (if healthy) can be a star. The safeties are really solid but not too flashy.

As for punting, P Ryan Donahue has the leg to be All-BigTen. Kicking, however is a different story. As far as I can tell, Daniel Murray sucks. My money is on freshman Trent Mossbrucker to take over, but who knows how that'll turn out?

All-in-all, this team is a total mystery. The schedule doesn't get much easier, so that's a plus. If the o-line can make improvements from last year, Shonn Greene can live up to his potential, and Jake Christensen (or his replacement!) can manage something from the QB position, the team could win 8, 9, or even 10 games. But, that's a lot of "if"s. Say things go wrong and the offense looks like it did last year, then some serious changes will have to be made in the off-season. My prediction is 7-5: a lower-tier bowl game, a step in the right direction , and something to build on.