Celebrating a 21st Bday...Family Style

Lil Bro#2 turns 21 at midnight tonight...a great big F&BT SHOUTOUT! to him. My parents and Big Bro drove out to Iowa City and surprised him at a dinner with all his buds, sort of a tradition in the family. Previous trips included place like downtown Chicago, Madison WI, and Oktoberfest all the way over in Germany. (seriously)

So, in turning 21, you'd think a normal college aged kid would ask for booze or just pull a Randy Moss and ask for Straight Cash Homey! But not Lil Bro#2. That'd be too simple. Nope, the lone Hawkeye fan/student in the family just wants some love for his team on the blog....and to have his family finally eat dirt now that he has bragging rights for a whole year. So here goes, buddy...

The Badgers suck this year. Go Hawks.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

Also, your Beer of the Month subscription should be arriving soon. I figured that would be a little more useful over the next 6 months.

The Crew Goes to UW Homecoming 2008, Ridiculousness Ensues

That always terrible lingering hangover is finally gone, and I've gotten a chance to sort out some of the happenings from my amazingly great weekend in Madison, WI. The whole crew was back, all 6 roommates, Big Bro, Lil Bro#2, a great group of lady-friends, a wife, a girlfriend...and supporting his Illini on the road, Whetst1.

There were many reasons for this to be a great weekend: it was UW Homecoming, my first time back in the Midwest in a while, the first time all 6 roommates were back in Madtown at one time, and a weekend full of 4 different birthdays to celebrate. After pickling our brains in alcohol for two solid days, the stories could go on forever. So I've decided to shorten it to a tally of events, and let you, the loyal F&BT readers, use your imaginations...

2: # of days in Madison
9: the number of bars we visited over two days, not counting repeat visits
1: amazing tailgate put on by my parents and aunt & uncle, including birthday cake
3: the number of times I went to The KK (fake one) this weekend
2: the number of times I went to The KK (fake one) in my entire college career. Why the difference? I honestly have no idea, but everyone seemed to be going there this weekend. And it was shot-tastic fun every single time.
1: Heisman Trophy winner seen at the KK (and his fullback from back in the day too!)

2: number of nights I ate Ian's Pizza late-night

2: number of nights I randomly ran into CJ while heading to/from Ian's

2: number of stories told about Muskrat at dinner Friday after his girlfriend (who was visiting/meeting us for the first time) asked for college stories about him

947: number of stories about Muskrat that couldn't be told at dinner, or in front of his girlfriend...ever.

1: unfortunate attempt at "Extreme Walking" by Fuzz and I

2: total number of face-plants we took before deciding our "Extreme Walking" prime was behind us

1: inappropriate dinner eaten at a way-too-nice-for-hoodies-and-baseball-hats restaurant by the crew

8: bottles of wine at said dinner

4: number of times I started to cry from laughter at dinner

3: number of times Fuzz had to have a conversation with himself so that dinner didn't come back up

547: number of "Your balls are ready at the bar!" jokes made by Lallycakes at dinner

2: number of phones lost this weekend

1: number of co-ed beds slept in by an alumni this weekend
1: number of times an alumni wet a co-ed's bed this weekend
1: number of iPhones ruined from being urinated on while in a co-ed's bed
2: bushes napped in outside a bar by a roommate during the game
3: number of roommates that actually went into the game, and made it to the family tailgate afterwards
1: number of roommates who still can't remember where they slept on Saturday

Overall, I'd say it was a great weekend. And if this tally didn't prove it, I have backup proof. My company made me take a "Health Assessment" today at work so they can control our Health Insurance costs. Coming off a weekend like this, the chances of me passing the "Alcohol Assessment" portion of the test fell somewhere between slim and Purdue's bowl hopes. Sure enough, this is what it spit out...."You reported an alcohol drinking pattern that would be of concern."

The "of concern" part was legit in bold. Well, no shit health assessment. I went to UW. At least I passed on part of the checkup...

"Congratulations on always wearing your seatbelt!" Damn right. See you guys next year in Madison for Homecoming '09!

Homecoming 2008 Awards!

Least Valuable Player: Tobnuts. MIA the entire weekend...and he lives in Madison.

Most Valuable Player: Whetst1. Not only did he come up to support his Illini, but he held his own with the young'ins all weekend. Plus, he had to sit next to me all game and listen to me yell "The Juice is LOOSE!" after every one of his picks. Props, Whetst1.

Runner-up: Fuzz. The weekend stories are never as good without him in them.

Most Ridiculous: Kenny G. He didn't pull out the fake saxaphone playing, but pretty much all his antics made up for it. Not bad for a lil' guy.

Ruminations on Week 9

Homecoming 2008 in Madison has come and gone...and the damage was extensive. I'll have a tally of the weekend's events up soon, but for now, just know that it was a great weekend. All the old college crew was back, and the parents even brought a cake to celebrate my birthday at the tailgate. Due to obscene amounts of drinking, this is the first weekend that I didn't see any other Big Ten games than the Badgers, so my ruminations are based entirely on box scores and game recaps...

1) Defense is still king in the Big Ten. Forget all these new spread offenses taking over the league, defense is all the rage in the Big Ten. For evidence, see Penn State at Ohio State on Saturday night in the Most Important Big Ten Game this week. Ohio State had the more hyped defense coming into the game, but it was Penn State that proved to be opportunistic enough for the victory on this night. Holding OSU to an average of 2 yards per carry, and forcing two turnovers by the phenom, Terrelle Pryor, the Nittany Lions kept control of their own BT Title destiny.

2) Bad day to be a senior. Travis Beckum, broken fibula, career over. Tyrell Sutton, broken wrist, career over. It's the worst way to have your career ended, especially when you've been the face of your program for a few years. For Beckum, coming back to school meant turning down millions in the NFL for a chance to play as a Badger 12 more times. With a pre-season hamstring injury, a couple lackluster games, and now a season-ending injury, his senior year can be considered nothing more than a disappointment. Both players should go on to NFL careers, and both will have a good shot a future success, but unfortunately for them, and even for us fans, it won't be on the Big Ten gridiron.

3) Little Brother is all grown up. Sparty finally got victory against Big Brother Michigan. Granted, Michigan had to be at its lowest point in decades for it to happen, but a win is a win in rivalry games. Especially in a rivalry that coach Mark Dantonio has made such a focal point in offseason workouts for the Spartans. Javon Ringer got back to his normal self and Brian Hoyer even bounced back to have himself a game. But the best part of the day for MSU fans had to be the postgame chanting, as those in green rained "Lit-tle Sister" down on the home crowd.

4) Off the Schneid. Or slide. Or losing streak. However you want to say it, two BT teams without a win in the past 5 weeks got wins on Saturday. Wisconsin took down Illinois on the Badgers Homecoming game, and Indiana took down Northwestern on the Hoosiers homecoming game. Huge wins for both teams as fans were starting to become restless with the coaching staffs. Brett Bielema and Bill Lynch are breathing easier this week, but as is always in the Big Ten, another big game awaits.

SHOUTOUTS! New Header and a Birthday

Notice anything different with the blog? We've had quite a few changes in the past few weeks that I thought I should update you on, all of which help us progress towards the smallest hint of blogging respectability.

First, well...WildHawk is finally posting! He's been putting some good stuff up the past few weeks, so check him out. He's good for a post a week right now, but something tells me that he'll have more views to share in the coming weeks. Call it a hope.

Second, we've been added to the YardBarker Network. This is a blog readers heaven, with over 600 some blogs to read. Everytime we post, it gets posted on YardBarker now...so that's pretty sweet. They also help supply our advertisements on the blog, so check those out to your right and all the way at the bottom. We're not in this for the money, but anything that can earn us a couple pennies never hurt. Click on the Ads, support your bloggers.

C) Notice the title header? Thanks to great friend of the blog, and quasi-fellow blogger at Wrigleyville Confidential, Rollo Tomasi (a.k.a. The Mayor of Christmastown), we've upgraded from my pathetic MS Paint skills to the wondrous powers of Photoshop. Rollo even threw in a bit of his own flair...see if you can find it.

Fourth, a happy birthday to good F&BT friend Whetst1! He's not quite over the hill yet, but he's clearly lost enough brain cells in his age that he agreed to venture to Madison with me this weekend for the UW/IL game. Did I mention it's homecoming weekend? Look for some great posts next week detailing some of our shenanigans. I may even let Whetst1 write one. Either way, Happy Happy buddy. Get your liver ready!

Brewster: Hey, Everybody! Come See How Good I Look!

There has been no bigger surprise in the Big Televen this year than Timmay! Brewster and his Minnesota Golden Gophers football team, and it's about time that F&BT talks about them. This is hard for us to do, because the Goofers are a border state and BT rival of both WildHawk and my alma maters. But even for a rival, it's hard not to take notice of what the Gophers have done so far this year. It seems like ever since he has been hired, ol' Timmay! has been channeling his inner Ron Burgundy and begging people to come look at how good it is at Minnesota. Saying something about Big Ten titles and National Championships from the Paleozoic Era, Brewster was mostly selling hype. But sell he did, and a bunch of JUCO players were dumb enough to buy it. Dumb like a fox, as it turns out.

Taking advantage of a cast-off head coach, Brewster hired Ted Roof, the fired HC at Duke and formerly excellent d-coordinator, to come to Minnesota and revamp his defense. Roof gets a lot of credit here, as he should, but those dumb enough to sign on JUCO players have provided the biggest boost on that side of the ball. Brewster took the risk of alienating the current players by bringing in so many JUCO guys, yet he turned that into motivation for the current players to step up their game and in the process changed the culture at Minny. Suddenly, a potentially potent offense led by Adam Weber and Eric Decker have a half decent defense to help them out. Goodbye shootouts, hello consistent football.

Whetst1 brought this up in the comments on a previous post, but looking at the Fighting Timmay's! schedule...what game isn't winnable? Standing at 6-1, the Gophers go to a Purdue team that is struggling this week, followed at home by a Northwestern team whose offense isn't its usual explosive self. That is followed up by the reincarnation of 2007 Notre Dame...err Michigan...at home. Three W's in those games puts them at 9-1 with their two rivalry games ahead, @ Wisconsin and vs. Iowa, both of whom are not as good as they have been in the past. While you can never count on season records in a rivalry game, you have to think the Gophers would be fired up to get back at their rivals for the losses in the past few years. Scary to say it, but can we really be looking at an 11-1 Minnesota team?

For the love of Lake Minnetonka, I sure as hell hope not. That would put Minny in either a BCS or Jan 1 bowl game vs the SEC...scenarios which appear disastrous any way you put it. I know the Big Ten is down, but having a 1-11 team from a year ago reverse their record and go 11-1 and be 1st or 2nd in the league would just be embarrassing. It kind of happened last year with Illinois, and we know how that Rose Bowl turned out. Anyway, I don't think Minny has it in them to go 11-1. And here's why...do you trust them?

I mean really, really trust them? I don't. At some point they'll have to come back to earth, or they'll give up a few turnovers and have an off day. Plus, for a team so down last year, how will they handle success? If they keep winning, eventually they'll get noticed nationally and I don't trust them enough to handle that pressure. I'm thinking 9-3 for the Gophers with losses to Northwestern and Iowa, but ideally they'd be 8-4 and my Badgers could beat them too. Either way, the Big Ten is officially on notice that Timmay! is selling more than hype now, and the Gophers are looking to make a splash.

Cannonball!

Ruminations on Week 8

Another week of Big Ten play, and the title picture is coming into more focus. It's looking like Penn State and Ohio State are the class of the league, and it's hard to argue for anyone else. Here's the thing about these two teams, they show up for the big games...every week. Think about it for a second. Every team gets jacked up to play Ohio State...it's their chance to prove that they belong in the elite of the Big Ten. Yet Ohio State has only lost one BT game in the past two years. That's quite the streak. Other teams in the Big Televen have done a decent job of making it to big games and getting themselves to the point where they are successful enough to have a big game, but they disappoint. Northwestern had a big game last week against MSU...lost. MSU had a big game this week against OSU...blown out. Wisconsin had a big game against...nevermind. Here are some other ruminations on Week 8 in the Big Ten:

1) Yeeeaaaahhh, about all those articles claiming that Sparty isn't going to have their October slide.... I hope you were holding on tight Spartan fans, because I'm pretty sure Ohio State just pushed you down that slide. Actually, they shot you out of a cannon down that slide. The Buckeyes came out to play in the Most Important Game of the Week in the BT, and put this one away early. Terrelle Pryor found his running legs early in this game and put the OSU offense on his back in the first few drives, and all of a sudden it was 28-0. It didn't get much prettier for Sparty, as Javon Ringer got robbed, or at least had his "money-makers" taken away on Saturday. We'll see how the Spartans respond this week with Big Brother up next. The Wolverines are just plain awful this year, but with Michigan State, you can never underestimate the mental midget factor, and that could play huge this Saturday.

2) Winning cures all evil. Just ask Iowa and Penn State. Both programs have had their share of off-the-field trouble in recent years, but as the victories pile up, the problems fall farther into the distance. Just think, a few months ago everyone was calling for Kirk Ferentz head as he was being investigated for inappropriate conduct in a sexual assault investigation. Now...the Hawkeyes are on a hot streak and are back in their offensive stride with a dominant O-line and bruising back in Shonn Greene. A few months ago ESPN was calling out JoePa for his lack of control of the Penn State program. Now...they're calling for him to have the right to decide when he should leave. Turns out the saying is true...winning cures all evil.

3) The wheels have officially come off. Indiana and Wisconsin seem to have hit a pothole greater than any of those you'll find on I-94 in the winter. Indiana has lost their last 5 games. Wisconsin their last 4. Worse yet, both teams have seemed to regress in the last few weeks. Neither coaching staff seems to know what is happening to their teams, as their once promising seasons are crumbling before them. This much is true, both head coaches are up against something that they have never experienced in their careers...and how they respond will largely determine their longevity at their respective schools.

4) You can have your Quarterbacks in the Big 12...the best Running Backs in the country are in the Big Ten. Beanie Wells. Javon Ringer. Shonn Greene. Tyrell Sutton. Evan Royster. Stephon Green. The conference may have gone to more spread systems in recent years, but the running back talent in the Big Televen is unmatched by any conference out there. And the youth at the position keeps the forecast positive for years to come. John Clay. Jewell Hampton. Sam McGuffie. Jason Ford. (**note: I purposely left PJ Hill off this list. If you disagree, or want to know why, email the blog and I'll you.)

Wisconsin @ Iowa Game Blog: Battle for the Heartland Trophy

The Heartland Trophy

9:10am UW’s first drive gets a couple nice first downs, but Sherer was off the entire drive…hopefully nerves. Josh Oglesby is getting dominated on a consistent basis, which is not a good sign.

9:17am 7-0 Iowa. Shonn Greene got to the second level pretty much any time he wanted. Major props to Iowa’s offensive line, which had their way with the Badgers. They got a 3-4 yard push every play and covered linebackers almost every play. It could be a long day if this keeps up.

9:19am Am I crazy to think that the BTN is slightly validated now that both Presidential candidates are airing commercials on the network? Not picking sides…but we’ll keep score. Obama 1 positive, 0 neg. McCain 0 pos, 1 neg.

9:24am Kyle Jefferson doesn’t look the same this year. Just caught an easy out pattern in his chest and fell down immediately. It looks like he doesn’t trust his hands as much as he did last year.

9:25am UW O-line dominated again, as the Badgers can’t get a 2nd-2 or a 3rd-2.

End of 1Q 7-0 Iowa. It’s been all Hawkeyes in the first 15 minutes. Both lines are dominating the line of scrimmage, and that really will be the key today. In these old-school Big Ten games, whoever controls the line of scrimmage and limits turnovers usually wins the game. Neither team has a turnover yet, but chalk up the LOS battle to the Hawkeyes in the first quarter.

9:43am Sherer apparently has a problem throwing the ball away. That’s twice when he’s been pressured and pretty much thrown it straight to a Hawkeye. Note to Dustin…don’t do that.

9:45am Obama 2 positve ads, McCain 1 negative ad

9:51am Another overrated part of football, that Barry Alvarez used to stress all the time, is the hidden yardage. In these throwback games, special teams yards can make all the difference. Wisconsin is about to start their 3rd drive of the day at the 20 yard line or worse. Lots of punting so far, but Iowa is secretly gaining a lot of yards.

9:59am Shonn Greene just showed why Iowa has missed him while he went back to JUCO. He ran through a bunch of arm tackles by the Badgers, including from both safeties, and gave the Hawkeyes a 14-0 lead.

10:03am SHOCKER ALERT! The most fragile fat-ass in college football is hurt again. PJ Hill just limped his way off the field, and hopefully into a backup role for the rest of his career.

10:06am These announcers are excellent, and I’m actually really enjoying listening to them. They are correctly pointing out the little things that make a difference, like when Glen Mason says “Sherer is adding an extra pump before all his passes, causing him to be slightly late.” Or Chris Martin saying, “70,000 people knew where Dustin Sherer was going with that ball. He stared down Beckum the entire time.”

10:13am Travis Beckum…welcome to the game. Nice to see you finally appear with 2 mins left in the half.

10:14 Holy Shit! Sherer threw the ball away!! Wait…hold the celebration, penalty for illegal formation, our 2nd of the day. That’s on the coaching…how do these guys consistently not know where to line up?

10:16am Finally, the Badgers are on the board. In probably their best drive of the day, Wisconsin gets a field goal from Phillip Welch to make it 14-3 Iowa.

10:21am Bielema is calling timeouts at the end of the half. This appears to be crazy considering his offense can barely move the ball. But give the man credit, he’s not conceding anything to his alma mater. But he could give Gilreath a shot at one more punt return, which is always dangerous.

HALF 14-3 Iowa. Well, that certainly wasn’t the Badgers best half of football. The lines for Iowa are in complete control of this game. The Badger linebackers haven’t made many plays, but to their credit they’ve been getting covered up pretty well by the Hawkeye o-line getting to the second level. So what snap, irrational judgements can I make as of right now….Shonn Greene has too many double letters in his name, and he belongs in the NFL. Dustin Sherer is not a D1 quarterback, maybe not even D1AA (FCS). PJ Hill is finally where he belongs…on the bench.
Not to toot my own horn…but here’s some proof on my hidden yards comment. Iowa only has 30 more yards at halftime. UW leads in Time of Possession, by 3 mins and has run 13 more plays that the Hawkeyes. UW has converted 44% of 3rd downs to Iowa’s 25%. Both teams have 10 first downs. Iowa leads this game 14-3. Hidden yards are the difference in this game. Toot fucking toot.

10:47am Damnit Comcast…my screen goes grey for a split second about every three seconds. You have no idea how annoying this is. Big stop by the Badger D.

10:48am My BOY! #85 David Gilreath just got a seam…but got tackled by the kicker. I don’t think anyone in college football has been caught by the kicker as much as DG…but I still love him. Badgers have come out to play in the second half….and penalty. That’s more like it.

10:52am A pass to Beckum leaves the Badgers with 4th-3, and Phillip Welch nails his second field goal of the day. 14-6 Iowa. Now that I think of it, with as terrible as Phillip Welch was throughout the spring and particularly in the spring game, he’s my most improved for the Badgers this year.

10:58am Obama 3 positive ads, McCain 1 negative ad.

11:04am Another stalled drive in the red zone for the Badgers, but Welch proves reliable again chipping another field goal in to cut the lead to 14-9 Iowa. UW is looking much improved, but field goals will not win this game. We need some tugs.

11:08am Personal foul on Casillas the thug for late hit on the passer. I swear to you, there is no dumber player in the Big Ten than Jonathon Casillas. Not book smarts, but just general stupidity. He is second on my list behind PJ Hill of people I hate that everyone else loves.

11:10am Shonn Greene. Touchdown. Demoralizing is an understatement. The Hawkeyes caught the Badgers in a blitz and ran a perfectly executed draw play. Greene went untouched for 52 yards and his 3rd touchdown.

11:20am So there were just offsetting penalties on a punt…and I’m pretty sure the refs messed that one up, because they moved the Badgers back 15 yards. Which is wrong if the penalties are offsetting. Either way, some guy named Paki just blocked the punt…and Brad Nortman’s miserable freshman season continues. Excellent.

11:23am IT’S OFFICIAL…the wheels have come off of Bucky’s Bandwagon. Play action with a ridiculous 1-handed catch by a big TE for the Hawkeyes. One move and he’s taking it to the house. 28-9 Iowa.

11:27am Josh Oglesby…welcome to college football. I know you were thrown into the LT position by an injury to Carimi…but please try to get a hand on someone…anyone. Two plays in a row, you got beat off the edge without touching the guy…not good.

END 3rd Quarter 28-9 Iowa. This one is pretty much Britney’s career right now. The wheels came off, you know it’s over, but there is part of you that won’t give up hope on that epic comeback. I hate that part of myself right now.

11:41am Sherer stares down Beckum on 3rd down for the 84th time today…aaaaannnnddd picked. Anyone surprised?

11:46am Obama 3 positive ads, McCain 2 negative ads

11:47am Christina Aguilera just made another hit record to rub it in Britney’s face…. Errrr, Shonn Greene just ran for his 4thTouchdown today. 35-9 Iowa. Anyone that wants to tackle him today is welcome to join the Badgers.

11:51am Sherer stares down Beckum…Pat Angerer picks him off. Where have I seen this before? By the way, Pat Angerer, Iowa’s MLB, is having himself a GAME! 16 tackles and two picks so far. I’m sure there is some joke about being angry right here, but I’m too dejected to think of it. Where’s my drink?

11:58am Field Goal…38-9 Iowa. Obama 4 positive ads, McCain 2 negative ads. Tolzien in the game, white flag waved. And as I say that…Zach Brown Touchdown. Granted he carved up the backups for Iowa, but good for him. He’s been forgotten with the success of Clay, and he’s reminding the coaches why he’s a valuable commodity. 38-16 Iowa.

FINAL 38-16 Iowa. Shonn Greene went for over 200 yards and 4 TDs. Pat Angerer had 16 tackles and 2 INTs. I’m gonna go out on a limb and name them the players of the game. Wisconsin continues its downward spiral, dropping to 0-4 in conference play and 3-4 overall. Iowa wins two conference games in a row for the first time in a while. Obama outspent McCain 2-1, but McCain went all negative and Obama was all positive. Shonne Greene gave his O-line props during the postgame interview, and rightfully so, he wasn’t touched very often today.

FNT: Friday Night Trashtalk

Buckingham: Well Hello there WildHawk...you ready to get this Friday Night Trashtalk going?
WildHawk: Let's do it
Buckingham: Alright, so basically this is going to be a semi-regular segment on the blog where we take a look at all the Saturday games, and talk trash to each other/fans of the teams. No holds barred, cage-match style. Witty banter and jokes are welcome.
WildHawk: Old-school rules?
Buckingham: 1 rule...there are no rules…except for rule #2, which is limit the swearing...we're part of the Yardbarker Network now!
WildHawk: Noted
Buckingham: And on that note...f*ck Iowa. Just kidding, we'll get to that later.

INDIANA @ ILLINOIS

Buckingham: Let's start her off with some easy targets here...Indiana @ Illinois. Go...
WildHawk: Well Indiana just plain sucks, and Illannoy only plays offense (plus doesn't have a coach, only a head recruiting coordinator)
Buckingham: Tru dat...I mean, I just plain feel bad for making fun of Indiana.
WildHawk: Yeah, sorta like staring at a freak on the sidewalk.
Buckingham: If you were the only fan left on earth, and you had to pick a football coach for your team, and the only two options were Bill Lynch or a bumb off the street...who do you pick? … I go with option C...none of the above. I'd rather have anarchy on the team than either of those two options.
WildHawk: …or D, get rid of the football program altogether. Only problem this year is they don't have basketball to fall back on.
Buckingham: Thank you Kelvin Sampson!!
WildHawk: With Sampson, they traded one season with a good player for the entire program. But I digress…
Buckingham: Illinois is going to put up about 500 yards of offense in this game, but then they'll sadly realize that Juice is still their quarterback and that Mendenhall hates their program. There is nothing like alienating your best NFL prospect in ages as soon as he steps off campus.
WildHawk: How hard would it have been to keep his brother on the team? Hell, I bet he could start on defense (and he was a RB, no?)
Buckingham: That is cooorrrreeeccct! Winner of this game?
WildHawk: Illannoy, but even Illini fans won't be able to be cocky after.
Buckingham: Agreed...Illini W this week.

PURDUE @ NORTHWESTERN

Buckingham: Moving on...Purdue at Northwestern?
WildHawk: Purdue is a mess with a lame-duck coach, but the Cats never throw a ball more than 5 yards.
Buckingham: I've heard mustaches aren't very popular in Evanston except on women...so Tiller could be in trouble. Curtis Painter probably more...that Wildcat defense should be coming after him.
WildHawk: I hope so. Plus Purdue's D is no good. I like Northwestern by default....but closer than it should be.
Buckingham: Yeah, I have a feeling that lame-ass Wildcat noise that every college in the country who has "cats" in their name uses will be played often.
WildHawk: Fact. Also, is it just me, or is Tiller playing a sick joke on Painter, surrounding him with no one? I always thought Painter was overrated, but this is cruel.
Buckingham: I wrote about this before, but Tiller is just straight up being a dick. How many years ago do you think he stopped caring?
WildHawk: Funny how 3 years ago, when they were going to have 2 straight years without OSU or Michigan, they started to blow, despite decent talent and hype (also, as of last year, I could change the school in question to Iowa for this and I'd still have a good point).
Buckingham: I'm guessing that you're taking the Cats...but what's the over/under on passes thrown within 5 yards of the line of scrimmage?
WildHawk: I'm guessing CJ will throw about 35 times, 25 of which will be either behind the line or within 5 yards, this despite 3 senior WRs and a line that hasn't given-up many sacks.
Buckingham: I'll put the over/under at 30 combined passes within 5 yards.
WildHawk: under...barely
Buckingham: Cats take this one with their defense.
WildHawk: Agreed.

MICHIGAN @ PENN STATE

WildHawk: How about scUM/PSU?
Buckingham: PSU....147....Michigan....0
WildHawk: Sounds like Ditka will be suiting-up for Paterno, but seriously, my crystal ball says this will be another embarrassment for the Wolverines.
Buckingham: At this point, if Michigan has less than 4 turnovers in any game...it should be considered a success. Do you think they can set a record for worst turnover margin in NCAA history?
WildHawk: Perhaps. I just hope none of them die.
Buckingham: Don't talk about Paterno like that WildHawk...he's young at heart.
WildHawk: Hahahaha. Sigh.
Buckingham: I'm gonna say that Paterno will be asleep by the mid-3rd quarter...and Rich Rod will be on the phone with his agent looking for an escape route.

OHIO STATE @ MICHIGAN STATE

Buckingham: Do you think Michigan State will crumble this week? (note: I couldn't even type that without chuckling a bit in anticipation of your response)
WildHawk: Of course
Buckingham: Letdown. I was hoping for something along the lines of...Does a bear shit in the woods? Does Charlie Weis refuse to pass up an all-you-can-eat at the OCB? Is Lindsey gonna relapse before she realizes going lesbian is only awesome if your partner is hot?
WildHawk: I should hire you as a ghostwriter; those are pretty good. Let's be honest, they barely beat an Iowa team at home who was playing like they were trying to lose. They're simply not that good. I hate OSU, but they have a defense and a better coach. Ringer won't have 100 yards, and OSU will win by more than people think.
Buckingham: Yeah, I'm loving all the "not this October" articles popping up right now. Here's the thing about Sparty...they need to flop in a big game before the slide starts. This is really their first big game/opportunity to provide us with comedic material.
WildHawk: And you know what, even if Iowa and Northwestern take it in the neck tomorrow, I'll still laugh my ass off.
Buckingham: oh absolutely...how could you not? I've been saving up "money-maker" jokes all year for this game…but it'll be even better when Michigan beats them the next week. Granted I can't talk much, but it'll still be good.
WildHawk: And that's why I love college football. Anyone can root for their team, but it takes a real fan to hate certain teams with the same passion.
Buckingham: Who ya got?
WildHawk: Kidding? Gimme the Buckeyes
Buckingham: I'll take MSU in the first 25 minutes of the game...and the Suckeyes doubling Sparty's point total in the last 35
WildHawk: Interesting. I respect the detailed pick.

WISCONSIN @ IOWA

Buckingham: So I guess that leaves only one game left...which team is gonna suck more on Saturday...yours or mine?
WildHawk: Beats me. I'd say it's 50/50. Last time you guys had a QB making his first start against Iowa, Donovan torched us.
Buckingham: True...but we also have a QB on our roster that beat out Sherer in spring/fall camp...yet made every Badger fan long for Tyler Donovan. I feel dirty just typing that.
WildHawk: Sick. I think it's simple: win the turnover battle, win the game.
Buckingham: The bad news for you is that we have a guy named John Clay who is a sexy piece of man meat. And no, I don't regret typing that…my man-crush is that great.
WildHawk: ...and he almost picked-up the Iowa hat!
Buckingham: Still stings a little doesn't it?
WildHawk: I dunno, I'm happy with Shonn and Jewel Hampton (a real diamond in the rough...whammy)
Buckingham: I thought you'd bring up the Jewel of every Hawks-eye (stretching on that one)
WildHawk: I'll accept it.
Buckingham: Can we just talk about something else though...underage drinking! More specifically getting caught for it, and pissing off your parents…even more specifically, pissing off your dad/football coach.
WildHawk: Yikes, now the youngest Ferentz. Ouch.
Buckingham: Did you see that press release Kirk put out today?
WildHawk: No, good?
Buckingham: I mean, my dad would be mad...but this took it to a whole new level. I can not even imagine how much hell his life is going to be for the next six weeks. There are punishment press releases that coaches put out that seem like they're really not worried (see Zook, Ron), and then there is the press release that all parents probably wish they could put out when their kid does something stupid. Kirk had that chance, and unlike Iowa's offense, did not waste it.
WildHawk: At least he isn't overpaid. (Sidenote: So Zook doesn't suspend guys who hit women?)
Buckingham: (Nope, bitches should know that when the Zooker gets poked in the eye, he won't be as nice as Eddie McGee.) Back to the topic...if either team has to go to the untrustworthy left-handed backup QB...who wins?
WildHawk: Wisconsin…no question. Jake isn't a D1 QB, plain and simple.
Buckingham: Wasn't he the savior of the program as a redshirt frosh? That turned out well for you. So, who wins if the starting QB's stay alive?
WildHawk: If he's the savior, then I'm Mickey Mouse. I like Iowa, obviously. Regardless, it's gonna be close.
Buckingham: I'm taking my Badgers. Unless the fat-ass (PJ) plays too much, then we're screwed. Actually, I got a 4 in the college pick'em last week, so we're probably screwed anyways if I'm picking the Badgers. Either way, it's gonna be an old school Big Televen football game, and it'll be great to watch.
WildHawk: Hahaha, sadly I didn't win a week for the first time in a while. That being said, I can honestly say I respect Wisky...one of the only non-Iowa/NU Big10 teams I don't despise.
Buckingham: Ditto for Iowa.

Wow...we suck at talking trash.

Criminal Comedy Hour

Well, it's about that time of year again...when players on disappointing teams start getting in trouble with the law because they've lost focus on their season. It happens almost every year to teams that aren't performing as well as they were supposed to...and this year it happens to be Michigan and Illinois. So here you go, the Criminal Comedy Hour courtesy of F&BT.

How do you know the Michigan Hockey Team absolutely sucks? Even the Wolverine football team can beat them. Allegedly.

What do you tell a woman lying on the floor? Nothing...Eddie McGee already told her once, and then threw her down. Bitches should know not to poke a man in the eye...it hurts.

Doth Mine Eyes Deceive Me? - a macro/micro view of Michigan Football

I never liked Lloyd Carr. Despite somehow always being on the good side of every Big10 officiating crew, the guy would whine and bitch like crazy...all the time. Regardless of my dislike, I did respect the UM program. Plus, Ann Arbor is a great town, and the Big House is a must see for any Big10 fan. With the arrival of RichRod though, I no longer respect Michigan.

The Rodriguez hire, in my opinion, seems eerily similar to IU's bball hire of Kelvin Sampson, and we all know how that turned out. Sure, Rodriguez wasn't actually on NCAA probation when lured to the Big10, but he was a known scumbag. Let's not forget, even before his incredible kickoff return in the US Army All American game, every college in the country coveted Noel Devine. And, even though it looked like he'd have to go to prep school because he couldn't qualify, somehow he magically ended-up at West Virginia.

I talked with my brother (a scUM alum), and he feels a tough-to-describe, but nonetheless bad feeling about the state of Wolverine football. True, this is most certainly a rebuilding year, but come on, Toledo, a sub .500 MAC team...at home. Michigan lost a lot of quality players last year, and the new spread attack just doesn't feel like their style. Combined with the fact that I don't see RichRod lasting too long in Ann Arbor, I think scUM will become the Miami or Florida State of the Big10, a once-storied program that's lost its identity. Sure, they'll win some big games in the next few years, but I just don't think it'll be the Michigan we've known and respected over the last couple decades. [Having said all this, I still prefer Michigan over Illannoy]

The Journey: I'm starting to See a Trend

So I've finally caught up watching Illinois Football: The Journey episodes from about the last four weeks. That's the beauty of DVR...that my laziness doesn't punish me. Well, at least not always. And in this case, I actually think my DVR is rewarding me. By watching all the episodes one after the other, I've started to pick up a few trends in the show:

1) J Leman is a certifiable BTN STAR! I know that I've posted about his appearances on the show before, but he has taken it one step further and shown slow white guys everywhere what a magical Rose Bowl season can do for them. I mean seriously...no one has capitalized on the Illini's Rose Bowl run more than J Leman. He went from a no-name outside Chambana to a national name and now a college football gig at the BTN. At first, I made fun of him for it, but after consulting blog friend Whetst1, I realized that it was good for J. He's not making the NFL, so he might as well move on. Now, if he could only get a haircut and a suit that fits...he'd be in business.

2) Ron Zook is pretty much awesome. After watching this show, who wouldn't want to play for this guy? He comes across as genuine as can be, shockingly intelligent, and certifiably bad-ass. The guy has a motor that doesn't stop, and you can tell that there isn't much in life that gets him down. Plus, he can water-ski with the best of them, and that's double points in my book.

But probably the most important reason that my laziness in watching the show has been a reward, is that watching all the shows in a row has allowed me to see...

3) Intensity has been a consistent problem for the Illini. It's a fact with this team. Every show that has gone into the locker room before a game or at halftime has shown coaches 100x more fired up than the players. Every week, they are harping on them to get their intensity up, and get their passion to higher levels. Watching 3 or 4 episodes in a row, it seems to me that this is a team that forgot where the program was two years ago. Loaded with young talent that didn't suffer through the 2-9 seasons, this Illini team seems like they forgot all the work that went into last year's Rose Bowl season. The energy isn't there. The passion isn't there. The fire isn't there. And not shockingly, the wins aren't there. If I had watched all those episodes before the Illinois vs. Minnesota game, well, let's just say I would've scored better than the 4/50 I did in the F&BT College Pick'Em Challenge this week.

Ruminations on Week 7

The hangover was something fierce on Saturday, but at least I wasn't alone. The entire Wisconsin team looked like the last two emotional losses had caught up to them as the Nittany Lions embarrassed them on national television. I took solace in the fact that my buddy Fuzz was having a worse day than me...he attended the Arkansas at Auburn game where his first team lost; he watched the Badgers get embarrassed by Penn State for the second year in a row, and Mizzou got upset by a team coached by a man who is 40. Rough day for sure...drink it off Fuzz, and remember that next week is only 7 days away.

Here are my other ruminations on week 7 in the Big Ten:

1) The Spread HD is an elite offense this year. According to Lil' Bro #1, it's even better in person. The one question mark heading into the season was the quarterback position, and Daryll Clark has provided answer after answer. He looks like the most dynamic player in the offense and is the reason the Spread HD runs so clearly. Sure, the Big 12 has some great offenses and the SEC has some great athletes...but Penn State's offense can run with the best of them this year.

2) Minnesota didn't get the message. They were supposed to be terrible this year, but apparently no one told the Gophers. Yours truly even picked them to go winless in the Big Ten. Yet here they stand, 2-1 in conference games and bowl eligible 7 weeks into the season. Props to Timmay! and his Gophers. You did to Illinois what the Illini did to the Big Ten last year, and you've earned the respect of the conference, and this blogger, in doing so.

3) Sparty isn't sliding this October. Not yet at least. In the most important game of the Big Ten last week, Michigan State again rode the money-makers of Javon Ringer over an undefeated Northwestern on the road. Ringer wasn't alone this week though, as Brian Hoyer showed some veteran savvy and poise that gave Michigan State's offense a much needed second dimension. Ohio State looms on the horizon as MSU has one of the biggest October home games in recent history next week.

4) How did we lose to them? Really Michigan? Really? You're going to let a bad Toledo team do that to you in your house? How did this team beat Wisconsin? Things have certainly hit rock bottom in Ann Arbor as Michigan can't seem to put things together yet. Worse yet, they have yet to show any significant improvement from the start of the season. Other than a great 2nd half against Wisconsin (which will haunt Brett Bielema for a long time), Michigan really has yet to play consistent football.

The Mailbag is Answered!

I'm finally getting around to answering the Mailbag question posed by friend of F&BT Ross Gellar a few weeks ago after Wisconsin's monumental loss to Michigan.

Ross' Question: Which team in the Big Ten has been the most disappointing over the last 5 years?

I wanted to give myself some space from the game as I knew I would be highly emotional about the Badgers for a few weeks, and I was right. Immediately, I was all about Ross' logic: he did some research, his argument made sense, I was vulnerable and impressionable (drunk), and most of all...I had lived almost all those losses as a student.

And after thinking about it for a few weeks, I can't say that the Badgers have been the most disappointing since 2003. Sure, it has been tough being a Badger fan and being so close, but not as bad as it has been for others. Think about it for a second. Would you rather be OSU or Michigan, and get to a big bowl game only to get embarrassed? That would suck just as much. Trust me, the Badgers have been fortunate to win their bowl games, and winning that last game does wonders for the mood of players, coaches, and fans alike throughout the offseason. Plus, they have won 47 games from 2003-2007. So that's my argument against the Badgers.

Here are a few other schools I looked at:

MICHIGAN: I thought they had to have some disappointing seasons over the last few years. The Alamo Bowl year came to mind, and I thought there had to be others. But I was wrong. Michigan is 46-17 over the last 5 years. Only once did they win less than 9 games, when they went to the Alamo Bowl with 7 wins. It turns out that Michigan just suffered from the Ohio State Syndrome...pulling Suck-Jobs in bowl games.

PURDUE: They always seem to fade in the years they are supposed to be good, or at least towards the end of Orton's career at Purdon't. But the more I thought about it, are expectations at Purdue really that high that they can be utterly disapointed every year? No, they're not. Purdue is 37-26 over the last 5 years, including 21-19 in the Big Televen. I'd say that's where Purdue fans should expect them to be, thus they shouldn't be disappointed.

IOWA: If this question were only about the last 3 years, Iowa takes this title running away (...from the cops!). Sure, they're only 1 game over .500 in the last three years. Yes, they were supposed to have excellent recruiting classes that should have been paying off right about now. Absolutely, those classes have been decimated by off-the-field incidents and injury. But as bad as it has been the last three years for Iowa, they had great years in '03 and '04, with a 20-5 record in that time. The Hawkeyes are 23-17 in the BT the last 5 years, which isn't great, but certainly not the most disapointing in the last 5 years.

And the most disappointing team in the Big Ten over the last five years is....

MICHIGAN STATE!

Congratulations Sparty, you've got an award courtesy of F&BT. I know WildHawk is loving this right now, as MSU is his most despised team in the conference. And you know what, even if I were an MSU fan over the last five years...they'd be my most despised team too. There are no two ways about it, it's been rough being a Spartan fan since 2003. Your recruiting is always fairly decent, plenty of HS talent resides in your state, you always open the season with some creampuff victories, optimism resides in your heart....and then the wheels come off. Next thing you know John L. Smith is yelling at Jack Arute, you blow a couple games, and your headed to the Alamo Bowl...or no bowl at all, as was the case in 2004-6. Seriously Sparty? The only 2 bowl games you've been to in the last 5 years is the Alamo Bowl ('03) and the Champs Sports Bowl ('07). You lost both times.


Yes, being a Spartan fan has been rough. You're 29-32 over the last five years, and even worse, you're 15-25 in Big Ten games. 10 games under .500!! To top it all off, Big Brother instate rival has enjoyed a good deal of success on the other side of the state. Basically, being a Michigan State fan is like being any other female sideline reporter not named Erin Andrews. Erin is Michigan, you're anybody else. You'll never be as good looking, and while they are enjoying unparralled success, you're toiling at some mediocre football game that few people are watching. Probably a Michigan State game.

This One Time on the Band Bus...

Is it me, or does the Wisconsin Marching Band make you think that all those band camp stories from the American Pie movies are pretty much dead on? The letter sent out by the school this week verified what we all knew was probably true...people got drunk and stupid on a bus like college kids do, and someone shockingly got offended. This isn't a post to make fun of the offended party...we're not that mean. No, F&BT merely wants to highlight the stupidity of the band members. As fun as the trip may have been, any time you have to start a story with, "This one time, on the band bus...", you should probably just quit talking right there. Unless you're as hot as Alyson Hannigan....then you may continue of course.

Alas, the 5th Quarter will be happening this Saturday night, as the band has been reinstated. And if you think about it, Brett Bielema has got to be the happiest person on earth. Of the two major home games which would be recruiting target weekends, to not have a band at either game, which adds an incredible amount of electricity to the stadium and makes the students exponentially more engaged in the game, would have been disastrous. Props to Mike Leckrone and Lori Berquam for getting the band back on the field.

Another Reason I Love College Football: "We're Still Pretty Good!"

So WildHawks had 3 posts yesterday...count 'em...Uno, Dos, 3. Are you kidding me? This guy hasn't posted in weeks, and all of a sudden...Boom! I won't lie that he was about to get fired next week if he didn't post. I didn't want to have to do it, but my inner Donald Trump had been tugging at me for a while. And then there he was, with three posts in one day. Ladies and Gentlemen, he's back.



"Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and do something like this....and TOTALLY redeem yourself!"




One of WildHawks' posts made me chuckle at first, and then I realized that he was right, and it was one of the reasons I love college football. His post about Iowa football, and that he thinks they're still pretty good. I mean think about that, they're still pretty good?! They're 3-3 overall and 0-2 in a mediocre conference and their biggest win is against...Iowa State?


Yet there goes WildHawks, proclaiming that they're still pretty good. And you know what? He's right. And that's what I love about college football. As a diehard fan, don't you find yourself rooting for your team no matter what? Don't you continue to see the great plays and block the bad ones from your memories? Every time your team takes that field, there's no chance they don't live up to their potential and probably dominate that game right? I know that's how I feel. I know that's how a lot of college football fans feel. We're blinded by our love for our team, and for better or worse, we're going to always view them through those team-color tinted glasses. It's a beautiful sight.


That's the thing about college football, every team is dangerous on any given week. Sure, throughout the course of the season, talent will most likely rise to the top. But for 3 hours on a Saturday, Oregon State is better than USC. Michigan is better than Wisconsin. Duke is better than anybody. Vanderbilt can beat Auburn (and get their O-coordinator fired after 6 games). Even at 3-3, Iowa is a scary football team. I know I'm not looking forward to playing them. They run the ball well, they have a great D-Line, and they are built schematically to stop teams like my Badgers. As terrible as their record is, Iowa will always be a tough game for Wisconsin, because their styles are so similar.


And that's why I love college football. A mediocre team can be a terrible matchup for a great team, and that great team may well come crumbling down. People thought last year and all the upsets was crazy and once in a lifetime. I thought it was awesome and expect it to happen again this year.

Why? Because at 3-2 and 0-2 in the Big Ten, my Badgers should be done for the season, but I also think we're still pretty good! And through these Cardinal Red glasses I'm wearing...their game against Penn State this week is going to be a beautiful sight.